Good For You: Holiday Wrap Up

The end of the year can be a time for reflection for many of us.
Here's some encouragment to reflect in a more supportive, creative and peaceful way.
Diana Winston is the Director of Mindfullness Education at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center.  She has generously shared her podcasts on a variety of guided talks on meditative practice.
Check out this one on "Cultivating Self-Compasion".
Think of it as doing good for you. It can be a mindset that will flow through your relationships and the year ahead.
http://marc.ucla.edu/mpeg/Hammer051916.mp3

Take good care.

Selfie-Care 101

A car doesn't run without gas.  (OK---in 21st century-speak a car doesn't run without its ion- battery fully charged).

This fact is often ignored when it comes to the self.  

Often I get to work with folks who are not taking care of themselves in

the most basic ways.

"I didn't eat yet today (and our appointment is 1 PM!).

"Tired? Yeah. I've had no chance to sleep for two days."

"I have no food in the house....too busy to shop."

"I haven't had a chance to do laundry in 3 weeks."

"Vacation?  Who has time for vacation?"

"I worked until midnight. Then I got up at 6 this morning."

"I need to go to the doctor, but I can't get time off and this project is due."

"I live on caffeine. Too hectic to grab lunch."

When I meet individuals or couples for the first appointment, I ask and listen for how they make sure their basic needs are met.

Inadequate self-care is an important contributor to anxiety, depression, obsession, anger, motivation issues, and relationship conflicts.

Here's a test:

Take two minutes to check out this well done Self-Care Activity page

put together by the Social Work department at the University of Buffalo.

(https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/self-care-assessments-exercises/exercises-and-activities.html#title_1)

It covers eating, physical activity, mindfulness work, time-management techniques and assertiveness exercises just to name a few.

Next test:

Try just one of the techniques for a week (i.e.meditate for a minute, pack your lunch for 2 days, take a warm bath or shower before bedtime once a week, schedule that mammogram, go for a walk with a friend, make a moment for gratitude in the morning).

It will probably feel novel, maybe even indulgent.  

But, given our recent interest in Selfie shots, Selfie sticks, Selfie mics....

Why not a little Selfie-Care?

Wedding Bells: Striking the Right Chord on Marriage

Here's a big shout out to the novelist and essayist, Alain de Botton.
He's written an insightful and incisive essay.
"Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person".
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

It's a scary title for an article on relationships, but the opinion piece is quite reassuring once read.

Cited below is the passage that best conveys the work I've been doing couples and individuals for the last 20 years.

"The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn't exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently--the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of personal complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the 'not overly wrong' person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition."

I hope you'll check out the column in its entirety. It's wedding wisdom well said.

Sleep Difficulty? Solutions Dot "Calm"

Is sleep a problem for you?
Well, you certainly have company.

This year, the Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 3 Americans don't get enough sleep (defined as 7 hours or more per day).

In 2013, the CDC found that 1 in 25 Americans used prescription medications for going to and staying asleep.

What can you do to help yourself get "forty winks"?

Pay attention to your sleep hygiene

--Pick a regular time for going to bed and stick to it.

--An hour before bedtime start your preparation for sleep. 

   

With nightly repetition each step in the preparation will become associated with sleep onset.  

Perhaps you'll start with a warm bath, a cup of herbal tea, setting out your things for the morning or reading a few pages of a book.
Whatever you choose, make it a ritual.

--Keep your sleeping area clear of electronics.

Experts tell us that it's important that we stop screen time at least an hour before going to bed.

That means no email, no video games and no IPads.  The blue light that comes with these devices interferes with the sleep-inducing hormone, melatonin.

---Clear your mind. 

     
Yes, it sounds like strange instruction, but a head that is grinding on the leftovers of today or anticipating the events of tomorrow will have a hard time easing into sleep.

There are a variety of ways to empty our heads.  You can do a progressive relaxation exercise, a body scan, or a guided meditation that will help you focus on your breathing, not your brooding.
You can practice with sleep meditation "how tos" on YouTube,
or check out sleep meditation apps on Itunes or Google Play.
Here are a few:
Sleep Easily by Shazzie
Buddhify's Going to Sleep mode,
Headspace's Sleep podcast

If none of these do the trick, consider getting a referral for an evaluation at a local sleep clinic. Insurance should cover this service when recommended by your primary care physician.  Often they can identify physical conditions, like sleep apnea, that impede a good night's rest.

There are many paths to take before prescription medicine becomes your "go to"

Til next, take care and sleep well.

Stop, Look and Listen: Brief Meditations for Spring-Cleaning the Mind

In our busy lives, it can be hard to make the commitment to slowing down
and taking care of ourselves.  I get excited when I read or see something concerning self-care that can be implemented with little fuss or trouble.

The website Yoga Journal has 26--count-em--26 different mindfulness meditations that are 5 minutes or less and are offered at no cost.
Yes, free and easy are the right descriptors here.
So, give it a listen (with no commercials, either).

I've included the URLs for two meditations that can done walking or standing around.

http://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/mindfulness-enjoy-exercise-walking-meditation/

http://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/evening-meditation-calm-reflection/


If you try them, let me know what you think (or let me know your favorites).

Til next time, take good care.

Heartache, Heartbreak, Heart Awake: The Genius of Charles Schulz, Charlie Brown and the Neuroscience of Romance

August 28, 1971.......the cartoon is "Charlie Brown"

Scene:  Charlie Brown and Lucy are leaning up against a brick wall.

            

              Lucy: "How can you tell if you have a broken heart?"

             Charlie: "Well, for one thing, if you have a broken heart, 
                            you can't sleep at night.
                            When you roll over in bed, the jagged 
                             edges poke you in the side."

              Lucy:  "I'm glad I talked to an expert."

                             

In this month of hearts, flowers, candy and valentines, it can be difficult to be romantically "unattached" whether through a break up, separation, divorce, death, or (as with our cartoon pals) unrequited love.  

There are familial, societal, instinctual and even, physiological prompts to be attached to someone.

The hormone, oxytocin, is produced in our brains and facilitates human bonding from infancy through adulthood. 

Research studies since the 1950's  have explored the necessity of emotional attachment for human development and survival (feel free to wiki the names John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth)

In academia, they call it the "neurogenetics of sociality".
In plainer terms it's why we seek to click with someone special.

If you're interested in knowing a bit more here are a few resources.

"The Chemistry of Love"-- a nice 5 minute YouTube clip with psychologist Dr. Abigail Marsh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp7Ydv5wAPk

"The Neurobiology of We"--- an Audible series with Dr. Daniel Siegal, a psychiatrist and medical researcher with an specialty in mindfulness
http://www.amazon.com/The-Neurobiology-We-Relationships-Interact/dp/159179949X

and  Wikipedia's extensive entry on Attachment Theory (originated by Bowlby and Ainsworth)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

Till next time, take heart.

Happy Lunar New Year....Happy Valentine's Day....a red-letter week.

During this holiday week of Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day we all will be seeing red....
symbols in red.

The red packets given out during Lunar New Year signify wishes for good luck, happiness, and prosperity during the coming year.

The red hearts given out on Valentine's Day are direct expressions of our affection.

Both rituals encourage us to physically and emotionally demonstrate our connection with those who are close to us.

Here's a wish that we can send these good feelings to one another all year long.




   







                                                                                             

"Look out you rock n' rollers": Changes (tip of the hat to David Bowie)

 Happy New Year to all.

The end of one year and the start of the next is an arbitrary point in any calendar.

Yet, many of us use it to mark a time of transition.  

With great energy and good intentions we'll try to change

the way we think, the way we behave or the way we feel in order to 

gain more control of our lives.

Research suggests that we'll have the best opportunity for

success if we start with a goal (not two or three) that is small in scope, specific in definition and

in the general direction of where we want to go.

Aesop's Fable of the Hare and the Tortoise resonates for a reason.
"Slow and steady wins the race."
Gradual, specific, incremental shifts in behavior are a realistic method to move yourself forward.

Looking for more guidance?  With the advent of the world wide web, we have access to free, concise and expert advice.

Here are some TED talks that may help you with your "ch-ch-ch-ch-changes."

Getting Started:
http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days

Eating Well:
http://www.ted.com/talks/sandra_aamodt_why_dieting_doesn_t_usually_work

Getting Psyched:
http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_pink_on_motivation?language=en

Finding Peace:
http://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ricard_on_the_habits_of_happiness

Feeling Better:
http://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene


Enjoy.