"It's Getting Better All The Time"---Readings on Resiliency

Here's a nifty pass-along from Tara Parker-Pope, a Wellness columnist at The New York Times.
It has seven handy tips from the experts, Drs. Dennis Charney and Adam Grant on how to look at the brighter side of life once you're on the other side of 40.

It's never too late to learn how to stretch.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/25/well/mind/how-to-boost-resilience-in-midlife.html

Talk Therapy: UK Edition----Heads Together

So the next generation of the English monarchy sits at a picnic table and they pitch for the public discussion of mental health issues.
And they share some of their own.
Seems 2017 just got a bit better.

https://www.headstogether.org.uk/about-heads-together/

Stressful Times? Mindfulness Lines....

More and more folks are speaking with me about the anxieties that have arisen or worsened over the past few months with the dynamic change in our current environment.

Fortunately, there are useful stress-reduction tools with free access via the world's
largest video library, YouTube.

True, you could watch the cute animal snippets, cooking tutorials or slapstick home movies that are routinely posted.

I'd like to suggest that you spend a half hour with Jon Kabat-Zinn as he leads a session on Mindfulness Meditation during a workshop at Google.
Here's the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAtC489sVDg

Kabat-Zinn defines mindfullness as 
"The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgementally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”(2003, pg. 145)
(Kabat-Zinn,, J. Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future  
 Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10 (2) (2003), pp. 144–156)

I hope you'll let yourself experience this short journey with a pioneer guide.
As a long-time proponent of this approach to life and self-care, JKZ knows what he's doing.

Until next time, take good care.

Good For You: Holiday Wrap Up

The end of the year can be a time for reflection for many of us.
Here's some encouragment to reflect in a more supportive, creative and peaceful way.
Diana Winston is the Director of Mindfullness Education at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center.  She has generously shared her podcasts on a variety of guided talks on meditative practice.
Check out this one on "Cultivating Self-Compasion".
Think of it as doing good for you. It can be a mindset that will flow through your relationships and the year ahead.
http://marc.ucla.edu/mpeg/Hammer051916.mp3

Take good care.

Selfie-Care 101

A car doesn't run without gas.  (OK---in 21st century-speak a car doesn't run without its ion- battery fully charged).

This fact is often ignored when it comes to the self.  

Often I get to work with folks who are not taking care of themselves in

the most basic ways.

"I didn't eat yet today (and our appointment is 1 PM!).

"Tired? Yeah. I've had no chance to sleep for two days."

"I have no food in the house....too busy to shop."

"I haven't had a chance to do laundry in 3 weeks."

"Vacation?  Who has time for vacation?"

"I worked until midnight. Then I got up at 6 this morning."

"I need to go to the doctor, but I can't get time off and this project is due."

"I live on caffeine. Too hectic to grab lunch."

When I meet individuals or couples for the first appointment, I ask and listen for how they make sure their basic needs are met.

Inadequate self-care is an important contributor to anxiety, depression, obsession, anger, motivation issues, and relationship conflicts.

Here's a test:

Take two minutes to check out this well done Self-Care Activity page

put together by the Social Work department at the University of Buffalo.

(https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/self-care-assessments-exercises/exercises-and-activities.html#title_1)

It covers eating, physical activity, mindfulness work, time-management techniques and assertiveness exercises just to name a few.

Next test:

Try just one of the techniques for a week (i.e.meditate for a minute, pack your lunch for 2 days, take a warm bath or shower before bedtime once a week, schedule that mammogram, go for a walk with a friend, make a moment for gratitude in the morning).

It will probably feel novel, maybe even indulgent.  

But, given our recent interest in Selfie shots, Selfie sticks, Selfie mics....

Why not a little Selfie-Care?

Wedding Bells: Striking the Right Chord on Marriage

Here's a big shout out to the novelist and essayist, Alain de Botton.
He's written an insightful and incisive essay.
"Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person".
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

It's a scary title for an article on relationships, but the opinion piece is quite reassuring once read.

Cited below is the passage that best conveys the work I've been doing couples and individuals for the last 20 years.

"The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn't exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently--the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of personal complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the 'not overly wrong' person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition."

I hope you'll check out the column in its entirety. It's wedding wisdom well said.

Sleep Difficulty? Solutions Dot "Calm"

Is sleep a problem for you?
Well, you certainly have company.

This year, the Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 3 Americans don't get enough sleep (defined as 7 hours or more per day).

In 2013, the CDC found that 1 in 25 Americans used prescription medications for going to and staying asleep.

What can you do to help yourself get "forty winks"?

Pay attention to your sleep hygiene

--Pick a regular time for going to bed and stick to it.

--An hour before bedtime start your preparation for sleep. 

   

With nightly repetition each step in the preparation will become associated with sleep onset.  

Perhaps you'll start with a warm bath, a cup of herbal tea, setting out your things for the morning or reading a few pages of a book.
Whatever you choose, make it a ritual.

--Keep your sleeping area clear of electronics.

Experts tell us that it's important that we stop screen time at least an hour before going to bed.

That means no email, no video games and no IPads.  The blue light that comes with these devices interferes with the sleep-inducing hormone, melatonin.

---Clear your mind. 

     
Yes, it sounds like strange instruction, but a head that is grinding on the leftovers of today or anticipating the events of tomorrow will have a hard time easing into sleep.

There are a variety of ways to empty our heads.  You can do a progressive relaxation exercise, a body scan, or a guided meditation that will help you focus on your breathing, not your brooding.
You can practice with sleep meditation "how tos" on YouTube,
or check out sleep meditation apps on Itunes or Google Play.
Here are a few:
Sleep Easily by Shazzie
Buddhify's Going to Sleep mode,
Headspace's Sleep podcast

If none of these do the trick, consider getting a referral for an evaluation at a local sleep clinic. Insurance should cover this service when recommended by your primary care physician.  Often they can identify physical conditions, like sleep apnea, that impede a good night's rest.

There are many paths to take before prescription medicine becomes your "go to"

Til next, take care and sleep well.