Self-care for the New Year

Make time for rest (and the outdoors) in '26.

Please take good care.

Happy Lunar New Year 2025!

 

After January 1st, we move into the next celebration of another yearly cycle.

• 2025 in the Chinese zodiac is the year of the Wood Snake
• The symbolism of the snake shedding its skin will hopefully translate into regeneration and renewal in these challenging times.
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• 心想事成      (xīn xiǎng shì chéng) 
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•  May all your wishes and dreams come true.

"Good Grief" for the Holidays: Charlie Brown, Anderson Cooper, and Podcasts

 

As the end of year approaches we hear the word "happy" a lot. 

Happy Holidays, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year. 

But this time of year is often anything but "happy" when it runs head long into memories of those who aren't with us. Grief runs deep. It is about yearning and missing. It's proof of our love. 

You may have heard the phrase "processing loss." Therapy, counseling, grief groups and empathic people are essential in the journey to understand the complex experience of bereavement.

Sometimes we aren't able to have a session or a meet up when the pangs get strong.

I'd like to recommend a relatively recent podcast series: "All There Is with Anderson Cooper."

https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper

In 2022, Cooper, a well known journalist and reporter, began to record his feelings as he was going through the belongings of his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, who had died in 2019.

With her, Cooper had suffered the sudden death of his father when he was 10 and the death of his older brother by suicide when he was 21. He had suppressed his grief for decades.

With his experience as a interviewer, Cooper has used the podcast to explore his own complex reactions while speaking with knowlegable therapists and with fellow travelers in grief. Some of the participants are well known to the public  (i.e.,Stephen Colbert, Andrew Garfield, Whoopi Goldberg, Naomi Judd) and some not (i.e., Irene Weiss, a survivor of the Holocaust, Randy Shelin, father of a brilliant young man who died by suicide at 18.) 

There are 3 seasons of episodes and, if prefered, you can also watch the discussions on CNN's You Tube channel. The URL for an episode with an author and leadership trainer on grief, Francis Weller.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRWPA8oPyGs

Till next time, please take good care.

The Natural World: Not Black and White

"Blue" can be more than a subdued or sad mood.

Noticing the blues of water, skies and, yes, hydrangeas can bring calm to the mind and relaxation to the body. The research tying time spent in nature to improved mental health is robust.

Take a walk, a stroll, a run or a hike. Have a picnic or a play date. Yes, please take good care. 

(Associations between Nature Exposure and Health: A Review of Evidence, (May, 2021) M. P. Jimenez, et al., Int. J. of Environ Res Public Health; Vol. 18, Issue 9, 4790)

The Unexpected Gift: Appreciating Life's Nice Moments

 

While in midtown on an errand, I had the pleasure of running right smack dab into a 10-foot high 6-foot wide fresh floral display in the middle of the sidewalk on Fifth Avenue. NYC is a wonderous place but this was an atypical sight. I guessed that the display was a remnant of the prior day's Easter Parade. On a busy block full of people, only 4 other individuals had stopped to look. It seemed other folks were buried in their thoughts or phones. Perhaps many were in a rush to their next appointment. 

They missed out on one of life's nice, unexpected moments. And it smelled nice, too.

Here's hoping you'll stop to smell the roses when they pop up in front of your nose....

Spring Ahead

"It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart."

Rainer Maria Rilke (1922)

Sonnets to Orpheus (Part One, XXI)

As always,take good care.

Happy Lunar New Year! May the year of the Dragon bring wisdom, good luck, innovation and honor to all who celebrate!

Yes, the Psychologist is In! (Back at the Office)

The Doctor is in (and it's been a while, I know.)

With the end to the Federal Emergency COVID Protocols in May, I've returned to the office to see clients in person one day a week. That may increase in the months ahead.

Health insurance companies are continuing to cover remote psychotherapy sessions even after the end of Federal Emergency protocols. Where it is appropriate I'm also continuing to meet with clients over video using the HIPAA compliant platform:  Doxy.Me

Current research indicates that the treatment outcomes are generally similar when comparing the delivery of services through telehealth vs in-person.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8595951/

However, I recommend that clients starting in therapy or coaching come in-person if possible for at least three sessions. 

If you have any questions or concerns about COVID 19 precautions please feel free to give me a call.

I look forward to seeing you IRL soon.

Until then I hope you'll take good care.

Update in Year Three: It's Not "New Normal"; It's Just "Now"

The phrase "new normal" is frequently applied as we approach May 11th when the COVID-19 National Emergency will end.  But,"normal" implies steadiness and the COVID-19 virus has shown that it doesn't stand still. So, where are we "now?"

The COVID-19 pandemic has been a treacherous journey for many. As of this April more than one million Americans didn't make it, while more than six million people world wide have succumbed to this virus.  Another 15 percent of us (though probably many more) have devloped Long COVID, a syndrome where inflammatory processes continue after the initial acute viral infection and create a separate burden.

Beyond these physical manifestations, there are emotional and psychological responses to the pandemic that continue to this day. Researchers have found that the stresses of lockdown as well as the restrictions to usual routines heightened levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression and aggression as well as alcohol and substance use.

One of the few fortunate outcomes of the pandemic is that getting help for mental or behavioral distress no longer required going to a physical office. Through this national emergency clinicans have been permitted to provide telehealth services reimbursable by health insurance. Often, this made the process of getting treatment more convenient and provided safety and security for the client and the clinican as the COVID-19 infection cycle continued. The good news is that--as of this moment--this situation is not expected to change after May 11th. Insurance companies appear satisfied with this option for providing counseling.  

Another fortunate outcome of these challenging years is that the importance of nurturing the self and connecting to others became clear in the face of isolation, loss and disruption. Clients in my clinical and coaching practices reported reprioritizing their time and energy toward relationships in their work, families and social networks. The "stuff" our consumer culture promotes doesn't ground us the way our alliances and interconnections do.

Here's a wish that those of you reading this post "now" are investing in yourself and in the communities--both personal and professional--that encourage you to take good care. 

There's only one of you and, of course, you matter.

Making a difference in Year Two with You.

Life is dynamic, not static. 

Change is happening whether we wish for it or not. If two years of these extraordinary times have taught us anything it is that we can be resilient and can adapt to change, even when it's dramatic. 

I hope we can all take that resourcefulness and use it to make a difference in our self-care. The action towards self-care can be small, but see if you can chose one that you can keep up with.  

Journal a few sentences in the morning. Do a one minute meditation/breathing cycle. Take a walk around the block. Put down your phone for the first three bites of your meal and just focus on the taste of your food and the way your body feels as you eat. At the end of the day think of three things that you are grateful to have experienced. Make your bed a place for sleep and affection but nothing else.

If you start with one goal and it doesn't feel "good enough" after a week, try another.

The point is to take a small incremental action that you can integrate easily into your day (or night.)

Here's a start:  When in doubt---breathe in, breathe out.

Take good care.

Image credit: ABEUTY

"The Great Outdoors": It's a Fact

 To feel in the pink, think green (or ocean blue or woodland brown).

The multiple physical and mental health benefits of a "nature connection" are well-documented in numerous public health research studies. Here's one that was touted in journal, Scientific Reports. The title says it all:

"Spending at least 120 minutes a week in nature is associated with good health and wellbeing"

(Mathew P. White, et al., Scientific Reports, June 13, 2019; v. 9; art. 7730)

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-44097-3

The results apply to all age groups and the process requires very little other than some access to a few trees or shrubs, an  expanse of grass or garden, a path near a lake or pond.  120 minutes of outdoor time each week is ideal, but, please don't be intimidated if that seems out of reach. Just like any other change that you want to fit into your lifestyle, you can start low and go slow to get to your goal. 

Plus, you don't have to go it alone. Instead of meeting friends at a restaurant or bar, invite them to  a stroll in the park or even packing a lunch or takeout for a park bench mini-picnic to get your minutes in. Just two hours a week, by yourself or with a friend, child or family member. 

After 18 months, pandemic fatigue is setting in for many of us.

As we change seasons, we can change our ways of taking good care of ourselves.

Until next time, wishing you good health, a good autumn and a good time with Mother Nature.

For Your Consideration: What a Difference a Year Can Make

March 2021: Most of us will mark this one year anniversary in some form or another.

Grief--for what has been lost.

Hope--in light of the the gradual progress being made to return to what was.

Relief--that we may begin to connect with family, friends, colleagues and neighbors without the aid of a video screen.

Gratitude--for those who developed, tested, and arranged for the adminstration of the vaccine to all of us who share this big living room of life.

Please stay well and thanks for all you do to help others stay well, too.

2021: Lessons from the Coyote: Stay Adaptable

It's almost been a year. 

Most folks I know have been juggling multiple roles and responsibilities under extraordinary circumstances. 

Personal, political, and societal pressures have combined to result in challenges to our health--to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. 

On a personal and professional note, I have looked to Dr. Anthony Fauci for solid science and to the coyote for lessons in adaptability.

Dr. Fauci's credentials are well known; the coyote's may be less so.  

In the past 70 years, this clever canine has managed to expand its presence in North America by 40 percent. The coyote is found in every state but Hawaii. They've evolved to remain adaptable.

In such difficult times, how do we do the same? How do we increase our ability to adapt?

Research suggests: a) self-care, b) self-awareness, 

c) self-compassion, and d) community.

Research also suggests that any efforts we make in these areas should start small and slowly.

Self-help and educational sites can be good places to start. Look for guidance that is independent and not advertiser supported.

Here are a few:

Psych Central https://psychcentral.com/

American Psychological Association Help Center https://www.apa.org/helpcenter

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration FAQ 

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Of  course, experienced, well-trained clinicians are a good resource, too. 

With our clients we are sharing the same path, adapting as we go, one step at a time.

"Moon Talk-Coyote" by Marion Rose (2008)

The Benefits of Exercising....Our Right to Vote

October 20-November 3, 2020: Please take care and vote.  

Everyone counts.                                                                             

If you need any information, check these websites for answers to your questions.

https://www.usa.gov/voter-research

https://www.eac.gov/voters/voters-guide-to-federal-elections

https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/how-to-vote-2020/

https://www.vote411.org/

 

Managing Fear in Uncertain Times: Part Two

As most of us are dealing with the indefinite, it could be helpful to remember we've been through this before. I'm not speaking about you and I, but there's a long recorded history of people dealing with ambiguous anxiety at a high persistent level.

Give a listen to the eloquent words of Charlotte Bronte in her 1853 novel, Villette 

“Peril, loneliness, an uncertain future, are not oppressive evils, so long as the frame is healthy and the faculties are employed; so long, especially, as Liberty lends us her wings, and Hope guides us by her star.”

Take good care

Managing Fear in Uncertain Times---You have company.

It's good to be in the company of people you trust at anytime but especially in uncertain times.
We are fortunate to have Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, Google Hangouts, Instagram, WhatsApp and  Facebook to help us do so during this wait-and-see period. It also doesn't hurt that it's Springtime around here. The flowers, shrubs and trees are doing their best to show us what nature has to offer to offset whatever is leading us to be fearful, confused or worried.
Hope you can take a brief walk today to experience the lighter, brighter side of life. Take good care.

What's New? 2020 Vision: "Hey there, watch what you're doing!"

We've begun a new year and a new decade.
Many of us want to do more than mark time in the months to come.
It's traditional at the start of the year to make resolutions for change.
It's also traditional to be upset with ourselves when the changes we want to make don't stick.
Here's a tip backed by research: Start by watching what you're doing.

Whatever you've decided to change, don't do it, yet!

First, spend two weeks watching, noticing and recording the thing you want to shift.
Do it with pen and paper or a notes app.
What is the one thing you're looking to improve on?
Is it A) an urge to do something that's unproductive?
Is it B) a new way of behaving that you'd like to integrate into your life?

Step One for Goal A)
Notice the urge every time it happens and mark this information down right away.
1) What is the urge saying? How are you feeling? Angry, Sad, Bored, Nervous....?
2) On a scale of 1 to 10 how strong is the urge?
3) What time and place are you in when this urge hits?
4) After you indulge the urge how are you feeling? Happy, Guilty, Sad, Nervous...?

Step One for Goal B)
Take note of what you're already doing that is even a teensy bit close to the new behavior you'd like to acquire.
For example: Goal---"I want to go to the gym"
So, what are your already doing that is physically active even if it's not going to the gym:
Walking to the train? Cleaning the apartment? Using the stairs at the subway station?
Mark down what it is, how long you did it and how did you feel afterward.

So, the first change you're making is to look and see and record. 
Once you have two weeks of information then you can know where you're starting from.
By the way, there's extensive clinical research indicating that simply tracking your behavior will begin to push you in the right direction.

Happy 2020 and Happy Lunar New York to all.

Health Watch (Yes, Come and See and You'll Feel a Bit Better)

Research indicates that even low levels of exposure to nature significantly benefit our physical and mental health.  Whether we're on site or are simply looking at a picture or video, this "green" exercise has been shown to
--lower blood pressure and stress levels
--aid healing
--diminish headaches
--increase productivity
--sharpen attention, creativity and general cognition
--improve mood
--reduce anxiety
(*"What are the benefits of interacting with nature."L. Keniger, K. Gaston, K.Irvine & R.Fuller
Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2013 Mar; 10(3): 913–935 )

So I'll invite you to give it a try. If you can't step outside for a walk in the park or a stroll through the woods here are seven one-minute videos to choose from for a moment of self-care.
(You know you can spare a minute.......)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALZwXyxpHQ Ocean waves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dT1acIHcls Forest  in North Carolina

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XC7iIJ4kIk Waterfall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ercl6NiqyPA Trees and brook

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMIc4S_k5Uc Laurel Lakeside

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L515SmPbRw Sunrise Sunset (time lapse)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu0u8-XlLFs Calming Flowers (more than a minute--worth it)

"Good" News from The New York Times

We all know it's nice to balance the news of the day with some lighter fare. Some will choose the sports page. Others opt for the entertainment section. 

For the last three years I've chosen the "Smarter Living" page in Monday's New York Times. The Times says it wants to help its readers "live a more fulfilling life." I like how they gather well known researchers and professionals to tackle subjects ranging from how to approach difficult coworkers at your job to managing personal finances to learning how to say "no." 

Here's a link to a recent thought-provoking sample "Success Doesn't Always Bring Happiness" by A.C. Shilton. (June 3, 2019) 

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/28/smarter-living/you-accomplished-something-great-so-now-what.html

Behavioral psychology deserves to be getting ink on a regular basis. Of course, screen time is an option, too--you can sign up for a free summary of each week's offerings at their web site. 

It's just one more way to take good care.

Money Fixes Everything----Nope. How Much is Enough?

Money is often tangled up in our search for identity, accomplishment, affection and regard.

The blueprint for its meaning and importance comes directly from our families, our culture and generational cohort and the times we live in.

Every year Northwestern Mutual conducts a U.S. study of adult attitudes, behaviors and perspectives around financial security and decision making. For 2018 the results showed that money concerns (44%) were considered more stressful than either personal relationships (25%) or work (18%).
https://news.northwesternmutual.com/planning-and-progress-2018

It makes sense to look at our relationship with money. It gives us the chance to manage its influence consciously rather letting it run us.