Money Fixes Everything----Nope. How Much is Enough?

Money is often tangled up in our search for identity, accomplishment, affection and regard.

The blueprint for its meaning and importance comes directly from our families, our culture and generational cohort and the times we live in.

Every year Northwestern Mutual conducts a U.S. study of adult attitudes, behaviors and perspectives around financial security and decision making. For 2018 the results showed that money concerns (44%) were considered more stressful than either personal relationships (25%) or work (18%).
https://news.northwesternmutual.com/planning-and-progress-2018

It makes sense to look at our relationship with money. It gives us the chance to manage its influence consciously rather letting it run us.

Strategic Perspectives---How What You See and Feel Is What You Get

Strategic Perspectives is a relatively recent buzz word and concept in business development (www.mckinsey.com)

But Strategic Perspectives have been an important element of psychotherapy since the development of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in the early 1960's

At its heart, CBT (and psychotherapy, in general) involves observing and understanding how one's outlook influences one's actions.

Whether it is individual therapy, couples therapy or family therapy, the process is similar.

1)  We find out what shapes our outlook.
----- Is it the symptoms we are experiencing?
----- Is it the feelings we are having?
----- Is it thoughts we are having?

2)  We look at our history with our families, caregivers, friends, employers
      to see trends.
      Trends can be more than Twitter feeds or social media postings,
      In therapy, trends are the patterns of our relationships.
      These patterns often influence how we interpret and feel about what
      goes on around us and inside of us.

3) We sort out this patterns and see how they impact our actions.
     If they impact us in a positive way, usually we want to repeat them.
     If they impact us in a negative way,usually we want to change them.
   

Here's where Strategic Perspectives comes in.

When we decide to change a pattern, we usually have to change our perspective first.

The perspective we bring to a situation can make us feel more or less empowered for change.

For example, do we see ourselves as a victim of or the creator of the pattern?

To move from a "victim" stance to a "creator" position brings our power for change back to us.

This concept is beautifully expressed in a news article from The New York Times travel column
"On The Road" (June 24, 2014; pg. B6)
Jason Barger, a travel writer, is quoted about handling stressful travel situations,
His advice is useful for all of us:

"'We're running so quickly, so caught up in the moment, in that frustration. 
But we should remember to look instead at where we are going, not just where we are.
I tell a story about a surfing instructor who explains to people surfing for the first time: 
Where you look is where you go. 
If you look down at the wave crashing around you, at your doubts and fears, you are going to go into the water. 
But, if you want to learn to surf, you've got to keep your eye on the shoreline and that's where you'll go.' 
In tough situations, he said, 'even if I'm frustrated and absolutely annoyed, even if this is unfair and shouldn't be happening to me, I still have a choice: 
Where I look is where I go. 
The trick is to step back and remember, hey I can't control everything, but I can control what I ought to be contributing right now to this environment.""

So here it is, in a nutshell.
As adults, we can't control anything but ourselves.
And when we do, it is the one strategic perspective that lets us change our negative patterns.

On another note, as the year ends, I wish all the best to my visitors and all those for whom you care.
Let's talk in 2015!