Romantic Relationships: Meet, Greet, and What's "Good Enough"?

New York is wonderful. 

This city is populated with talented, energetic, bright and ambitious men and women who strive to feel successful in their work and personal lives.

But, that same pressure for "excellence" can become a barrier to finding satisfaction in romantic relationships.

Now, add into this mix the sheer density of potential mates in a city of 8 million.

Is it any wonder that finding and maintaining a "good enough" relationship is such a challenge in The Big Apple?

The humorist and actor Aziz Ansari has summed up this dilemma in his recent Time Magazine 
essay "Everything You Thought You Knew About Love Is Wrong".

http://time.com/aziz-ansari-modern-romance/?pcd=hp-magmod

Check it out to read a pithy summary of how the combination of unlimited dating choices (Tinder, Match, OKCupid), perfectionism and unrealistic expectations are frustrating the search for
meaningful companionship

Til next  time I hope you have time to slow down and breathe.....summer is here....enjoy.

Mindful Meditation---A Different Way to Put On Your Thinking Cap (Updated)

"Mindfulness", a type of cognitive practice derived from Buddhist meditation, is receiving a lot of press with good reason.

With training, an individual gradually learns to focus attention on one's breath, body and thoughts from a nonjudgmental stance of awareness. If the practice is made daily (for even a few minutes at a time) a new ability emerges to live without the encumbrances of past and future worries.
Research is finding that mindful meditation practice can improve mood, reduce inattention problems in adults and teens (e.g. ADHD), lessen anxiety, decrease chronic pain and even improve relationships!

Mindfulness training is available in many forms and formats--from your local yoga studio to Wikipedia's "How To" section to a free master class with one of the most noted practitioners and teachers, Jon Kabat-Zinn. (The folks at Google posted his hour-long lecture/demo on You Tube as a public service!)

Mindfulness Apps are available (and many are free) for smartphones of all kinds.
Read the reviews carefully to see what is right for you on
GooglePlay,
Aptoide for Android,
Itunes or
Samsung Galaxy Apps

Additionally, as a service for their student body, UCLA and other universities post useful links for free guided meditations and podcasts that can start you on your way.


I've posted the links below with all the specifics.
Let me know what you think......



Jon Kabat-Zinn's demonstration class on You Tube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc

Wiki's How-To Instruction:
http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Mindfulness-%28Buddhism%29

UCLA Student Health: Free Guided Meditations
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center Podcasts:
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=107

The Free Mindfulness Project
http://www.freemindfulness.org/download


A Sampling of Great Blogs summarizing new Mindfulness scientific research
(some are more technical than others, but all have some less jargony postings)

http://www.scientificmindfulness.com

http://mindblog.dericbownds.net

http://sharpbrains.com/blog/2008/05/22/mindfulness-meditation-for-adults-teens-with-adhd/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rewire-your-brain-love/200911/nine-ways-meditating-brain-creates-better-relationships

Make Your Smart Phone Smarter: Apt Apps for Better Mental Health

Technology-based interventions for better mental health are literally "at hand".

The past few years have seen a huge increase in the number and availability of mobile phone applications for tracking, measuring, and understanding our emotions and behaviors.

These apps include:
--self-assessment tests
--mood tracking charts
--relaxation exercises
--sleep programs
--educational tools to help explain the causes of  emotional/behavioral conditions
--motivational tools to guide behaviors that can reduce symptoms
--recommendations for finding evidence-based treatments


University-based or professional association-based websites may offer a more "expert" opinion
on this wide array of mobile assistance.
(A random sampling is listed below)
It can also help to read the individual reviews listed for each app on Google Play, ITunes or Amazon's Appstore


Of course, an app---just like any self-help manual--will never be a substitute for assessment and treatment by licensed mental health professional.

But, one could be a fine companion for your work with a trained clinician


https://www.headstrong.ie/jigsaw/mental-health-issues/general-mental-health/tools-resources/

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/20/top-10-free-mental-health-apps/

http://www.youngandwellcrc.org.au/dr-michael-carr-greggs-new-top-ten/

http://www.otago.ac.nz/studenthealth/healthtips/otago068697.html

http://www2.humboldt.edu/counseling/Self%20Help%20Apps.html

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/PTSD/public/materials/apps/index.asp

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/03/26/294374936/therapists-apps-aim-to-help-with-mental-health-issues

http://www.stthomas.edu/counseling/selfhelp/

Serendipity, Mindfulness and Fear of Public Speaking

We've all checked our e-mail anticipating that there will be any number of irrelevant notices, advertisements or solicitations. But, sometimes, there is an unexpected pleasure waiting for us. Perhaps it's an letter from a long lost friend or an invitation to a party or a beautifully composed article of interest. . Today, my mailbox "serendipity" comes from Working Mindfully, a e-newsletter published by a management consulting firm that offers mindfulness training for corporations. The e-letter article, reprinted below, has a wonderful explanation of how meditation practices can help in coping with everyday anxieties, such as public speaking. (My thanks to Andy Lee. For the full newsletter (Winter, 2015) go to www.workingmindfully.com) It's a good read. Mindfulness and the Big Presentation Public speaking is one of the most common workplace fears - even the smallest ones can raise the blood pressure a notch or two. And as the presentation bets bigger, so does the anxiety. Of course some level of arousal is beneficial to performance, but for many people presentation anxiety can get in the way of their doing their best But it doesn’t have to be this way. Taking a mindful approach to the big presentation can help you avoid getting overly anxious, and can also help you to deliver your message more effectively and connect with our audience more deeply.  Mind your Ego Generally the more nervous we get, the more self-focused we become. When they sense a threat or a risk, our egos can become very noisy and demanding. The internal dialog can give us all kinds of alerts about what other people are thinking of us, and how disastrous ‘failure’ could be. Needless to say, this type of internal dialog gets in the way of our perceiving the world clearly and acting skillfully. When you sense this ego shift happening, see if you can notice the internal dialog and remember that your ego’s rantings are only thoughts, not imperatives – it’s still up to you how you respond. ow are a few things you can do when you feel presentation anxiety beginning to mount: Burst the ego bubble. Turn the focus of your attention away from yourself for a few minutes. Take a moment to speak to someone else and find out what's going on for them. Or feel a sense of gratitude for all that has happened to give you this speaking opportunity. These simple acts will help to break the trance that your ego can put you in, and reconnect you to the world around you and your purpose in it. Focus on your message. Remember why you are presenting. The purpose of your presentation is actually not to prove once and for all that you’re a smart and worthwhile person. Instead, it is to deliver a particular message to a specific audience. Instead of worrying about how you come across, focus on what you can do to get your message across to this audience, on this occasion. Be of service. The most compelling message will fall flat if your audience senses that your intention is other than to be of service to them. During the presentation, remember to check in with your audience to make sure that they’re following you. Give examples of how your message relates to their situations and priorities. Or simply ask yourself, “How can I be of service to this audience?” and act on what arises. All three of these suggestions have a common thread, which is this: To do your best, you need to get your ego out of your way. By worrying less about how you are judged and more about what you can offer, you free yourself up to be your best. This is good to remember at any time, and especially when the presentation anxiety kicks in.